GUS THE JANITOR: Uh, hi, me again.

(In the background:)

SMARMSLUT QUEEN: Head her off! She's going into the
rumpus room!

SMARMSLUT ADEPT: We've got a rumpus room?!

MYSTERY VOICE: You'll never take me alive!

(Running feet, shouting, crashing)

SMARMSLUT MASTER: We can arrange that!

(More crashing, running)

GUS THE JANITOR: Um, anyway, while things get
straightened out here (huge sound of breaking glass)
here's the next part of the story.

MASTER: Aaaargh! Look out! She's got a can of Spam!!

MYSTERY VOICE: Take THIS!!

SPLAT!!!

MYSTERY VOICE: Ooops-uh, sorry, Gus...

GUS: I've quit better jobs than this...

***********************


Ashes of the Mind, pt 24
by the Smarm Sluts


Disclaimer: See pt 1

They rode into town that evening, tired and sore but
grateful to survive another fight. The asylum and the
surviving inmates, including Madeline, had been left
in the care of the army, and they could concentrate on
healing their own wounds.

Chris groaned as he reined Valor in in front of the
saloon; he was still dirty and bloodied from his fight
with Jed, and he had shrugged off all offers of
assistance. Despite his condition, he was not
seriously injured, and Nathan was satisfied that the
gunslinger acknowledged his advice to take it easy
with a silent nod. The healer had another patient he
was more worried about.

The army surgeon had been shocked when he saw Ezra's
condition. The gambler was filthy and covered with
untreated cuts, deep scratches, ugly bruises and
wounds whose origin could not be determined. In
addition, there were the terrible burns on various
parts of his body, including the one on his arm, which
were all in dire need of attention. Maude had been
furious and nauseated at the sight, and did not resist
when Josiah escorted her from the tent so that the
doctor could examine her son more thoroughly and treat
his wounds. If Branford and Maxwell had not been dead
already, she would have been able to kill them with
her bare hands all by herself.

During the entire trip home Ezra had not moved,
spoken or done anything but lie quietly in the back of
the wagon, staring into space, oblivious to his
surroundings. They had managed to clean him up and
bandage his wounds, and he had even accepted water,
but there seemed to be no way to communicate with him.
Maude sat up front with Josiah as he drove the wagon,
silently telling herself that everything was going to
be fine.

But when they got to town, and got down from the
wagon, she was forced to confront the fact that
perhaps the outlook was not that rosy. After tying
off the horses, Josiah came around to the back of the
wagon and carefully lifted Ezra's limp, rag-clad body
in his arms and looked at Nathan.

"Where to, doc?"

The healer pursed his lips. "Might as well take him
upstairs-can't do nothin' for him at my place."

The preacher nodded grimly, turned and walked
carefully into the saloon.

Maude came up, fiddling nervously with her handbag.
"Nathan?"

The healer looked up at her. "Yes ma'am?"

"Will...when will my son recover?"

Nathan bit his lip and looked away. Maude became
frightened by the uncertain look in his eyes.
"Nathan?"

he sighed and looked back at her. "Can't say, Mrs.
Standish, but-we'll do what we can. He's been through
quite a lot."

"Well..." She laughed a little, without humor,
"well, he's going to be all right though, isn't he? I
mean, whatever's wrong with him-it'll go away."

Nathan said nothing, unsure whether to frighten her
with the truth or ease her with a lie. But his
honesty would not let him lie.

"Ma'am," he said gently, taking off his hat, "I'll
do my best, but I ain't no doctor. If I was you,
I'd...well, look into some hospitals maybe, someone
who can help him right."

She stared at him, shocked, and for the first time
ever Nathan saw fear in her eyes. "But-he's just worn
out, isn't he? This is like-like he's asleep or
something..."

Nathan shook his head. "Ain't like that exactly,
from what I understand. Saw this all the time in the
war-men who'd seen awful things just shuttin'
themselves away so they don't have to deal with it.
From what I hear, that asylum was pretty bad. Reckon
Ezra just don't want to think on it, so he's closed
himself off."

Maude's gaze became more anxious, and she dropped
her eyes, nodding. "Yes, I-I've seen that too. My
God." She stood silent for a moment, then looked up
at Nathan again. "What can we do?"

Nathan could only put his hat back on and give her a
determined smile. "Take care of him best we can,
ma'am, and hope he comes back to us."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josiah sighed as he lit the candles on the battered
altar of the dilapidated church. He had been alone in
the sanctuary for hours, thinking and praying for the
poor souls who'd suffered at the hellish asylum. The
evils men did to one another had ceased to surprise
him, or so he had long believed; but there was a
wearying tendency for something to spring up and
horrify him anew. They had fought hard, and won, but
he knew that the people they had rescued were still
engaged in their own endless struggles, which evil
could still win. Prayer might not help, but it
couldn't hurt, and he knew that it at least gave him
an alternative to drinking, or fighting.

As he lit the final candle, another sad subject
returned to his mind, and he sighed as the sad feeling
of helplessness swept over him as it had been doing
all day. he had been praying all day, but there was
still one prayer to be said, even if noone was
listening. He blew out the taper, looked briefly at
the dark stained-glass window behind the altar, and
thought for a moment.

"Lord," he finally said softly, "it's been a long
day, an' I know you must be tired of hearin' my voice.
But you've got to know that we're mighty worried
about Ezra here, an' if there's any way you can let
him know your comfortin' hand in that cold dark place
he's in, we'd be right grateful. He's a good man,
Lord, even if he ain't aware of it yet, so i think
it's only fittin' that you lead him back to his
friends and his mama so he can continue fightin' the
good fight." He paused, thought for a moment. "Guess
I've nothin' else to say right now, but I'll be
talkin' to you again real
soon. Amen."

He paused for a moment to look at the candles, then
turned to close up the doors, and was surprised to see
a recognizable form sitting in one of the rear pews.

He regarded the figure in amazement. "Maude? That
you?"

The form rose and walked forward slowly as it spoke.
"I'm sorry, Josiah. I didn't want to interrupt your
lovely prayer for my poor boy."

He smiled. "Glad you appreciated it, ma'am. You
know we're all hopin' he pulls through this."

She was beside him now, the candlelight gently
illuminating her smooth features. She had changed her
clothes and was, as usual, dressed to the nines, but
her eyes had lost their joy, even as she laughed.
"Yes, I do, believe me. I'd pray but-well, let's just
say the Lord an' I are not on speakin' terms at the
present."

Josiah gently took her hand. "he an' I aren't
exactly close now, either, but I'm hopin' He'd listen
for Ezra's sake. How's he doin'?

She grimaced a bit and sat down, the worry coming
back into her eyes. "Well, we got him cleaned up an'
put to bed, but-he's still not movin' or talkin'." She
fell silent for a long time, then forced a smile, her
voice becoming quick and light. "But it's just the
awfulness of all this, I'm sure he'll be just fine.
And I am too, really, i can just tell you're going to
ask, you're such a sweet thing. I just-wanted to see
your lovely church, Ezra told me all about it and-I
just thought-I've never--"

Josiah knelt in front of her on one knee. "Maude?"

She looked at him. "Hmm?"

"You know it's a sin to lie in God's house."

She faltered a bit, then smiled again. "Nonsense,
Josiah, I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do," he said, and his voice was soft and
serious as he looked up at her and took her hands.
"You're afraid to let on how scared you are, an' I can
understand that. You're like Ezra, scared to admit to
things you can't control. An' you can con the world,
Maude, but you can't con God, an' I think you'd be a
lot happier if you didn't try. Cause like Ezra, you
got friends who'd rather see you honestly sad than
falsely happy. Least we can help you then."

She stared at him, and Josiah could see she was
breathing very hard, even in the dim candlelight.

Finally she cleared her throat. "I shouldn't have
come here, I suppose."

"Why not?"

"Because," she said, looking up as she composed her
thoughts, and Josiah was surprised to see a tear run
down her cheek, "I've got anger in my heart, and this
isn't the place for it."

Josiah gently patted her hand. "Can;t blame you
there, Miss Maude, I'm pretty riled at them men
myself-"

"Not at those men, Josiah" she said sharply, looking
into his eyes. "At you."

He was so shocked he almost fell over. "Me?"

"Yes," she said, and wiped her eyes fiercely. "All
of you, Mr. Larabee and Vin Tanner. You did this to
him, filled his head with these crazy romantic ideas
about savin' people. And look what happened."

She fumbled in her handbag for a handkerchief as
Josiah stood and sat in the pew beside her, his
amazement wearing off.

"All my life," she sniffed as she searched, "I've
taught Ezra to depend on just himself. I know, I've
seen what gettin' involved does to people. Gets them
killed, more often than not. He knew that too, or did
til he came here, an' nothin' I did could get him away
from you people. I don't understand it, and I can
tell you, Josiah, that I detest not understandin'
things."

She'd found the handkerchief, and was wiping her
eyes. She looked at him, embarrassed.

"I've always done the best I could to protect my
boy, Josiah, really. But this makes me think he
wasn't listenin' to me at all, an' I keep askin'
myself what I did wrong."

For a short while the only sound in the candlelit
church was Maude's genteel sniffles. Then Josiah
quietly cleared his throat.

"Miss Maude, I can't say anything against your
raising of Ezra. I wasn't there, an' it ain't my
place to judge. An' I'm not sure I can explain to you
exactly what made Ezra do this, cause half the time I
can't figure him out myself. He needs our help now,
an' after we've helped him out you can ask him
yourself."

She sniffed a bit and shrugged. "Don't know if he'd
give me a straight answer. Ezra can be mighty
closemouthed when he wants to be."

Josiah chuckled. "Yeah, I noticed. An' I can't give
you any answers either, 'cept to say that your son's
proven himself quite a bit while he's been with us,
an' I think he even surprised himself. Despite what
he thinks, he's a decent man, an' if he ever decides
it's time to move on, we'll miss 'im."

She eyed him without saying anything, and the
expression in her eyes puzzled him; he had always
known Maude to be in control of every situation, but
it was plainly on her face that she was not in control
of this one, and it frightened her.

She seemed about to say something when the sound of
footsteps behind them caught their attention. They
both turned to see JD, hat in hand, approaching
awkwardly, his hazel eyes glittering in the
candlelight.

"Evenin' ma'am, Josiah," he said in a hushed,
reverential tone. "Was just passin' by, saw you in
here and uh, wanted to ask how Ezra was doin'."

Josiah saw a flicker of surprise pass across
Maude's face; it occurred to him that she had possibly
never heard anyone inquire after Ezra out of concern
or friendship-a sad thought.

She sighed. "No improvement thus far, so Nathan
tells me, thank you for askin', Mr. Dunne."

JD made a disappointed face and looked at the
ground, shaking his head.

"Sorry to hear that. Sure hope he's gonna be OK."
After a moment he raised his eyes to her. "Just
wanted to say, I wish you coulda seen him at the
asylum. He put up a hell of a fight-uh, pardon my
language, Josiah. You oughta be proud of him."

Maude nodded, but her blue eyes were confused;
however, she was not about to tip her hand. She
smiled quietly and said in a soft voice, "Thank you,
Mr. Dunne"

"Yeah, well," he said, toying with his hat, "just
wanted you to know, you should be real proud of him.
He saved Chris's life and tried to save mine. We owe
him a lot."

When she didn't respond, he glanced at her, and saw
her looking at him very keenly.

"Gentlemen, may I ask you a question?"

JD straightened up, eager to help. "Why, sure,
ma'am, anything."

"You know you can, ma'am," was Josiah's soft answer.

She sighed, her expression one of confusion. "I
pride myself on being able to understand any
situation-it's a necessity in my profession, you see.
But what my son is doing here, putting himself at such
risk for no great profit that I can see, baffles me.
I was hoping you could shed some light on why he's
doing this."

JD blinked, then shrugged as he came closer and sat
down in a nearby pew. "Sorry, ma'am, I ain't sure.
All I know is, he ain't always been perfect but if I
was in a fight, I wouldn't mind him standin' beside
me. Same goes for all of us, really, an' I think he
feels the same way, sometimes, anyhow. Maybe that's
why he's stuck around."

Maude considered this, then turned her eyes towards
Josiah. "Have you any answers, Josiah?"

The older man smiled slightly. "None but what the
good Lord sees fit to give me, Miss Maude. But i can
tell you that like most men, your boy's lookin' for
somethin' to fill his life, an' whatever that is, he
might have found it here. It's a rough life, but it
does have its rewards, even if they ain't the kind you
can take to the bank."

Maude sat still for a minute, then sniffed. "Yes,
well, I can honestly say that he's never had anybody
give a damn what happens to him, the way you men seem
to. I-I should thank you for that, although I can't
rightly say I understand it. Perhaps Nathan can work a
miracle and Ezra can explain it to me himself."

JD leaned forward, elbows on his knees as he twirled
his hat around absently. "I sure hope so. They were
pretty mean to him in there. Wonder how they knew he
was scared of fire."

Maude started a bit, thought for a moment and looked
at him. "Fire?"

He glanced back at her. "Yeah, I guess Jed kinda
used it to rile him up. That's what the guards were
sayin'. Really rotten, makes me glad he got killed."

Maude didn't answer right away; Josiah could see she
was thinking, her eyes darting rapidly as her mind
worked. The word seemed to triggered something in her
mind, something she was trying to remember...She
turned to JD.

"You're right, Mr. Dunne, that's quite remarkable.
Ezra's been afraid of fire since he was a little boy,
but...How did you discover this?"

JD bit his lip, an embarrassed look on his face.
"Well...right before this all started, I had to go get
Ezra up, an when I got to his room I could hear him
yellin' through the door. Guess he was havin' a
nightmare. An' all I could make out was 'fire' an'
your name."

She was taken aback. "He was yelling 'Maude'?"

But the young man shook his head. "No, ma'am, he was
yellin' 'mama', like he was a kid or somethin'. He'd
probably kill me if he knew I heard him, but he really
scared me, cause I've never heard him so frightened.
But then he woke up and was OK." he sighed, looked
back down at his hands. "I guess this whole thing put
him right back into the nightmare an' he can't get
out."

They sat silently for a few moments, then JD rose.

"Well, better get back to the jail. Good night,
Josiah, ma'am. Sure hope you get some good news
soon."

She nodded to him, but her mind was clearly
elsewhere. he gave a small wave to Josiah and walked
out, his footsteps echoing on the worn wooden
floorboards.

When JD was gone, Josiah leaned in closer to Maude.
"You all right, Miss Maude?"

She didn't respond right away; then she looked up,
as if just noticing him, and smiled. "Oh-yes, thank
you, Josiah. It's just-surprising, what Mr. Dunne
said. I thought for sure that Ezra had forgotten that
he was in a fire once, it happened when he was a
little boy."

Josiah nodded sadly, then gave her an earnest look.
"Sounds like that little boy is wantin' his momma."

She sighed and leaned back in the dusty pew. "Yes,
I'm sure he did, but it was impossible to be there
then."

He didn't move. "But you can be there now."

She started a bit and looked at him, clearly
confused. "I'm sorry?"

Josiah hesitated, looked at the floor. "I'm no
doctor, ma'am, just a tired man lookin' for God in a
world of devils. But it sounds to me like Ezra's
lookin' for you, an' maybe if you were there for him
he'd be able to leave that dark place he's in and come
back to the livin'."

Maude blinked a few times and gave a small, coughing
laugh. "That sounds quite poetic, Josiah, but what
exactly are you askin' me to do?"

The former preacher shrugged and rubbed his head.
"I can only guess at that, ma'am-I reckon he's just
lookin' for what every kid wants from its mother.
Someone to hold their hand, an' stroke their hair, an'
tell 'em it'll be all right."

Maude gasped a bit, twisting the handkerchief in her
hand in agitation.

"Gracious, Josiah! I-I have to admit I've never been
able to do that sort of sentimental gushing. It's
just not in me."

She turned to him, and there was fear in her eyes.
"All my life, Josiah, I've had to make my way in a
man's world by outthinking them, and I'm proud to say
I've beaten them pretty well. I wish I could say that
it would be easy to bring out my tender side to help
my son, but I have no tender side, and I'll be the
first to admit it. Life has bred it out of me."

Josiah listened, then took her hand, looking into
her eyes. "I'm not askin' you to be somethin' the
Lord didn't make you to be, Miss Maude. All you have
to do is go an' tell Ezra that the mother he's lookin'
for is here. If there's a call for anything else, I
believe your mother's heart will tell you what to do."

She still seemed uncertain; she looked away for a
moment, her eyes searching the darkness for answers.
Josiah saw her anxiety and squeezed her hand, trying
to encourage her; she looked back at him, startled,
saw the gentle strength in his eyes, and nodded, her
face pale but determined.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt," she said in a
shaky voice, trying to sound optimistic as she rose
and collected herself. "Thank you for your time,
Josiah, I did appreciate it."

"You're always welcome, ma'am," Josiah replied,
smiling. "I do hope you reach Ezra. Everyone else
has left that hellhole, it's about time he did too."

Maude's face fell a bit, but she tried to smile.
"Yes. Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She turned and walked out slowly, but with
determined steps, and as she walked out into the
street Josiah was pleased to see that her steps were
turned in the direction of the saloon, and Ezra's
room.